Satisfying my Bengalooorgasm

A vibrant, cosmopolitan and a beautiful city, Bangalore is like that disciplined kid who sits in the first row in school, listens to the teacher, makes notes, and always does homework on time.

Bangalore, is also that shady guy you meet on Tinder who likes to identify himself with the size of his dick — the guy whose bio says, 6 inches long and 2 inches wide.

On Apr 27th, 2004, I landed in Bangalore. With very high hopes. Of good weather. Of sunshine and bliss. Of green and fresh. And of light breeze and of the perfect amount of cold. But wait , yes I wanted all of these but not together :(

By the time I was born, the city was still a garden city. There weren’t any traffic woes. We had lovely lakes and enough rainfall to keep everyone happy. I remember going from my house in Banashankari to MG road in less than half an hour. Yep, that’s how it was. On every Sankashti Chaturthi, I used to visit the doDD Ganesha temple on Bull Temple Road, and the archakas there would give my mother and me flowers and a half-coconut. The theory back then was that the other half was sold to Vidyarthi Bhavan by the priests. So, technically the chutney served there was prasada too. This is what Vidyarthi Bhavan means to a South Bengalorean.

If you throw a stone randomly in Bengaluru, chances are, it will hit either a dog or a software engineer, Howda what did auto drivers do to you?

I remember how I would torture my mother to go to BDA complex every Saturday, just so that I could get a chocolate sandwich at Hari Super Sandwich and a Idli chutney at SLV. SLV in Banashankari 2nd Stage is one of those “hole in the wall” eateries that has been around since the early 70’s. It never fails to bring me nostalgia when I see this picture.

It was when I was 10 years old taking pictures of random people with my mom's blackberry 9900. Bhattru handing out tokens. Still the same humbleness and love. He almost had a seizure when I recently told him the price of Idly at the New Bengaluru International Airport. This is the beauty of this city, you become one with everyone. A random auto rickshaw driver, hotel owners, parking slot guy, bus conductors, a lad in front of CJC selling bombay mittai, everyone feels like you know them. However, kids these days ask their parents for UPI pin to order on Zomato or Swiggy and they pretend to be cool. When people say Bengaluru's street food isn't as good as Delhi's, I just shrug.

After all these things I get to hear that Kannadigas are conservative. Oh come on. It is true that in Bangalore, Kannadigas are fighting hard to protect their culture and language.

Look Its not Karnatak… its Karnataka…see the extra “A” at the end? Come on is it so hard?

Its Bengaluru not Bangaluru, not Bangaloooooru. Our Ex CM’s name is pronounced Sidda-raamaiah..NOT Sidda-ramya..if you can’t say it just say Siddu like the rest of us…

Finally its Kannada…not Kannad …again its just an extra “A”..if you guys need to get paid extra to say it..just say so to your HR !!! Do I call you Rajdip? No its Rajdeep… You call us conservatives while we bear all these things.

The glory of Bangalore will never fade away. Young people, active communities , Trekking clubs and diverse social sections make Bangalore a wonderful place to live. What pisses me off is ingratitude of some Non-bangaloreans. People know how to praise other cities and towns using only one route — by hating on Bangalore. Why would you do that? It is completely possible to praise another city without shitting on a city that took you in and helped you become what you are today.

Hyderabad has amazing roads. Mumbai’s people are just superb. Delhi has extraordinary food. Kolkata’s culture is topnotch. Chennai has knowledgeable citizens.

See? I praised all those place quite honestly without having to compare them to Bangalore in any way. However, Bangalore has one thing these cities don't have, GOKUL YADAV ....what else this city needs 😌